The Epiphany

One of the definitions of epiphany is an unusually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something.  It is an intuitive grasp of reality through something (such as an event) usually simple and striking; or, an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure.

I had one of those about a month and a half ago, about midnight.  My CPA says it was February 3, 2023 (more on that later).  Sitting at my computer which was on the card table that I’ve been using as a work desk for months (in my TV room), I was working on my BLOG for the next Wednesday.  I actually think I felt a feeling wash over the area, including me.  “This is what you need to be doing,” it seemed to say.  “You want to write.  And, write.  And, write.  So, write!”

That feeling felt right.  I do want to write.  This is what I should be doing.  Enough of some of the other things I thought I should do.  I’m retired, now; I can do what I want to do.  And, I really want to write!  I finished my BLOG for the week.  Then, I I started my research into the stories that I’ve already written.  I have almost twenty-five stories for children.  I have twelve books of hand-written poems.  I have several short stories for adults.  I write a BLOG.  I write poetry.  I write!  And, it appears that I want to and need to spend more time writing.

Earlier this year, I set a goal for the next twelve months to have a publisher want to publish one of my children’s books.  Or, some of my poetry.  I’m not choosy.  In January, I took a free (yes, there are still some things that are free, these days) workshop with an author who believes strongly in self-publishing.  I have notes from the workshop, so I figured those notes may be a beginning step in research for my epiphany.  During the workshop, the facilitator asked me what I planned to do when, after twelve months have passed, nothing had been published.  I told her I’d push out another month, to which she replied, “No, you consider self publishing.”  It now seems there are two options available:  Be successful in finding a publisher to take my work; or, commit to self-publishing.  And, goodness knows, I’m probably not rich enough to self-publish my own work.

I also figured I’d better get some advice from other people who know more than I do about this “publishing” effort.  I talked with Sara (who self-publishes books).  What I gleaned from Sara’s advice is this:  To prep writing for publication, I will need a newer, more powerful computer, a 27-inch monitor, as well as need to determine where the best place is for me to write.  And, I will need a program geared to preparing manuscripts for publishing.

The best place for me to work is where I currently write.  Using my lap top computer in my TV room, currently on my card table.  Unfortunately, the lap top computer is neither new, nor does it have a a 27-inch monitor.  That means I needed to work with Roger (computer guru) to get a new computer and monitor, as well as the computer program.  Roger, Sara, and I met to discuss all of this.  It was quite strange to have them talking about “her” and “she,” and it was all about me. As I told them, I really didn’t even need to be in the same room because they were talking about stuff that I barely understood.

After our meeting, Roger set off to pull together the things I would need (and later put together).  I told both of them that I’m not sure I can learn everything I’m going to need to learn in this process.  Roger assured me I could do this.  “Remember,” he said.  “That’s why you have me.”  Sara also promised to assist.

I knew that I would no longer be able to work on the card table.  I needed a desk to hold the new computer and a printer.  While Roger was getting the computer stuff together, Keith (HM) and I went to Office Depot to find a desk – which, of course, he would have to assemble.  He had measured the space available and, then, the desk we chose to be sure it would fit.  When it arrived at my house in a box, Keith came to put it together.  It was like magic!  This room that had been so cluttered with only a path from my desk chair to the door, suddenly, had lots of space.  No tripping over boxes to get into and out of the room.

Of course, the TV has to stay.  Sometimes, I use what is on TV as “white noise.”  The loveseat has to stay.  It is Lady’s safe place with one of her beds.  And, a place needs to exist for someone to sit – just in case I have a visitor.  This room also has study books.  On the closet shelves.  In two bookcases.

I talked with my CPA Terri about starting a small business, records I will need to keep, income tax reporting, etc.  When she asked the date of the epiphany, we both concluded it was February 3.

For the first time, I now have a real room in which to work – a real home office.  Yet, in all of this time, I have become more and more unsure of my own capabilities to get my work published.  I am rarely unsure of what I can do, but I have to admit – this whole thing frightens me.  I’m scared, but I try to remember what Thoreau said.  “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined.”

I hope I can do this.  Only time will tell.

Be Safe and Be Well.
The Cranky Crone
Thoughtful comments are appreciated.

HERE IS MY “NEW” OFFICE