What Happened to Being Polite?

Can anyone tell me what has happened to civil discourse?  To being polite?  Last week, I spent much of two days watching the confirmation hearings for, possibly, our new Supreme Court Justice.  (I know.  I know.  I promised no politics, but I think this is not politics.  I think this is the disintegration of politeness in human interactions – the situation of one person being inconsiderate toward another.)

Watching these historic “doings” made me question everything I know about politeness¸ appropriate social discourse,  and just plain niceness.  Specific men seemed hell-bent on pounding this woman of color under the table and into the dirt.  Yelling at the candidate certainly did nothing to build their appearance as a human being – except, probably, to those of their constituents who approve of this barbaric behavior on the part of their representative.

Is this the reason our younger people, elementary, middle school, and high school students, as well as young adults think this behavior is the way they should behave?  I know.  Not all young people use these tactics as their model.  But, there are plenty of those who do.  As well as plenty of people who are considered to be adults!

To see these people – men – who should be the cream of the crop of citizens behave in such a nasty, uncouth way toward anyone is abominable.  These men shouted, did not follow any set of rules (including defying the committee chair), demanded answers to question that had already been answered.  In short, they appeared to be, what we call in the West – a horse’s ass.  And, labeling their behavior as such does an injustice to horses!

Those of us looking for a positive model of respect and perseverance to handle the tough stuff that comes our way can look no further than this Supreme Court Justice candidate.  Her responses (even when interrupted) were clear, leaving nothing to the imagination.

Another thought is that questions presented to her often either alluded to or were specifically directed to the fact she is a mother, a wife … a woman.  The implication was that because of those attributes, she would not be able to fulfill the responsibilities of the position for which she is a candidate.  How many millions of women are wives, mothers, single mothers, WOMEN¸- how many millions of women handle the everyday, constant pressure of being all of these things, and still go to work day after day and fulfill their responsibilities.

I don’t remember ever in my work life needing much help to deal with the issues of wife, mother, woman, AND EMPLOYEE.  And, I certainly didn’t have to deal with the kind of insensitive behaviors that I saw delivered to this particular black, woman, candidate.  At eighty-three years, I’m wondering what has happened to civility.  Sixty-seven years, I’ve been making my way in the public area in jobs that I’ve chosen and, myself, as a candidate interviewed for each of them.  Not once did I feel that being a woman and mother came into play during the interviews for the job.  I do know that some women have had to deal with those issues in the process of getting their jobs.  For example, women didn’t need the job because the man who was interviewing for the same job “had a family to support.”  The woman “was likely to need time off to deliver a baby.”  The woman would need to take time off because the children would be ill, and she would need to care for them, “as the mother.”  Clearly, the dad in these cases had no responsibility for their care!

But, back to the current issue – the candidate capably dealt with the insulting, irresponsible, despicable, masochistic manner that was unconscionable.  Clearly, times have changed.

Be Safe and Be Well.

The Cranky Crone

Thoughtful comments are appreciated.