It’s one o’clock in the morning, and I can’t sleep. I watched a couple of programs tonight before retiring, and what I saw is keeping me awake. I promised when I began this blog that neither religion nor politics would be a part of it. I don’t really think this article is about politics, although there is a hint of politics in the media reports. Tonight, as I watched and listened to some of my favorite commentators deliver their evening information (which I really do respect because they seem to do their homework and get facts right), I was struck by the repeated words, “sexual harassment.”
With the implications that I heard this evening, I began to wonder if I, as a supervisor of teachers, was ever guilty of what is, today, considered sexual harassment. I’m a “toucher,” don’t you see. When talking with another person such as one of the teachers in my school, I might very well reach out to put my hand on his or her arm or shoulder to make a point. To comfort that individual in some way. Or, simply to indicate that I cared about him or her. Is that sexual harassment?
Walking down a hall to the teacher’s classroom or my office, I might put my hand on the teacher’s back (always above the waist, of course) to guide the teacher into the room. Is that sexual harassment? Albeit, that person was “fully clothed,” and wasn’t dressed in a way that left part of the back bare, as indicated in tonight’s stories.
Understand that I have no personal knowledge of the incidents reported on tonight’s television programs. I don’t even know the people involved, except by the report on the television program. So, I can only bring the knowledge from those television programs to bear on my thinking about these situations.
It brings to mind the story of my two long-time friends who, the first time they met, had an encounter that, if it happened today, I’m wondering if they would ever have “gotten together.” They were both selling wares at a fair. He saw her and was immediately smitten, saying something to the effect that he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. To which she replied something like, we’ll have to see about that. In today’s world, would that be sexual harassment? They have been together for years, now.
Today’s report is that this governor asked a woman for permission to kiss her. Did she say no? Where is the line between appreciation and harassment? Again, I am not privy to that conversation except her report of this happening, and some photograph taken by a bystander. Maybe, the photograph is not complete. And, why has it taken so long for these accusations to surface? I don’t know. There are so many questions.
And, then, there is the situation of Al Franken who did a stupid thing for the cameras while working on an equally questionable show. Once, apparently, Once. Is that sexual harassment?
Why is it that the only sexual harassment we hear about is man against woman? How about woman against man? Doesn’t that happen? There are predatory women in this world. Or do men simply brush off the idea that they could be harassed in this way? And, what about woman against woman? Man against man?
Please understand that I do not condone the mistreatment of other people. Neither do I condone harassment of others whether sexual or otherwise. I want individuals to be able to say, “Leave me alone. Your advances are not welcome.” But, I wonder, how do single people meet other single people, today? How do they indicate their appreciation of the other person and get to know each other?
I want people to be able to enjoy the company and companionship of others of the same sex or the opposite sex without the fears and claims that lead to harassment and/or claims of harassment. Is that a Pollyanna way of looking at the world?
It seems that living in this world is not getting any easier!
Be safe and well.
The Cranky Crone
If you have thoughtful feedback or questions, please let me know with a comment below.
4 replies on “The Fine Line”
This is a tough one. I will almost always side with the accuser, especially when the person is young and naive. You are right though, many men have probably been unjustly accused. Unfortunately, the vast majority of those that really are guilty of pursuing, touching, harrassing women or other men, for that matter, go uncorrected.
On a related matter, I have been watching the documentary Allen VS Farrow on HBO. Before watching this series, I continued to watch my favorite Woody Allen movies, like Radio Days, Manhattan Murder Mystery, and several others, although he had been accused of sexual abuse by his adopted daughter, Dylan. I told myself, well, if I am not buying the DVD or paying to stream his movies, I can still enjoy them. NO LONGER!! He is a true and total criminal. I am only half way through the series, but I am sure he has escaped scot free and unscathed. Same with Roman Polanski who, although he didn’t abuse a small child, had predatory sex with adolescent young women. I love his movies too! NO LONGER!!
I’m at loss to deterrmine my feelings about this. When the alleged advances are made the excuse seems to be that the young lady didn’t have the power to reply with some quip (as us older ladies would) so I guess the solution going forward is to raise our girls and probably now the boys to be willing to stand up to those whom they consider in a more powerful position. (I am getting tired of it – and one political note…where would New York be if the governor had not been attempting the defeat of the virus) No excuse for the SA but he deserves credit for that.
These are very good questions to ask. I don’t have the answers to them, but I understand the need to be vigilant and to communicate about what is happening. Everyone has the right to be heard. We will see what happens in the investigation about the allegations.
Human contact is really a question that we are all dealing with these days. It is a different world.
#1 Daughter….ditto.